There's nothing Christmassy about cancer - and being diagnosed with it during the holiday season can be very difficult, physically and emotionally.
The rigours of the days following a diagnosis can be exhausting: appointments, tests and scans, maybe travel (even short distances can be challenging with holiday traffic and summer heat), and if cancer treatment is part of the mix (chemotherapy, radiotherapy), that physical fatigue can be overwhelming.
The emotional impact can be even tougher to endure. A diagnosis of cancer brings trauma, shock, the reality that the 'unexpected' or 'never happen to me' has indeed happened. A diagnosis at Christmas-time can be harder as it's the festive season and there are expectations of happiness and joy that just aren't part of the equation for someone newly diagnosed or in treatment.
So how can we cope? Here are some ideas that may prove helpful.
Be honest, and communicate how you're feeling to family and friends. You may not be up to hosting or going to events like you usually would and making some plans ahead of time may help you to enjoy the holidays in a way that you can manage. Try to offload the baggage of expectation this year and focus on what Christmas means to you now, at this time.
It's OK to say no. Holiday time brings invitations to gatherings and if you don't feel up to going, decline the invite (and avoiding large gatherings may be wise if you're in treatment and trying to avoid germs). It's OK to do that, or you may want to go along for a while and leave early. That's OK too. Give yourself the opportunity to have some fun but within limits that suit you.
Keep options open. One day you may have energy and get-up-and-go, the next you may not. Keep schedules and committments flexible to ease pressure on yourself.
Your family may have traditions that are important at Christmas. That could be a special meal, a trip to a favourite place, a gathering of extended family and friends. Your energy levels may not be up to it this year. Perhaps the main thing is being together, and that could take a different form. Rather than doing all the cooking, make it lower key with everyone bringing some food and refreshments, so all you need to do is sit back and enjoy their company.
Limit your list of 'what I do at Christmas'. That list may've had cook, clean, hang festive lights, cut down the tree out in the bush, haul it home and decorate it, etc etc. Maybe pick a couple of activities that have meaning for you, ones you can accomplish.
Christmas can be a time when we see people we haven't connected with for a while, and these people may ask some tricky questions, make comments, or offer opinions about your cancer and what you should do about it. It may be helpful to prepare some answers to the curious, think how much information you are comfortable sharing, because that is always up to you. The festive season can also bring high-maintenance relatives to your door. Limit time with them, or don't see them at all. You have the power!
Give yourself the chance to enjoy Christmas, whatever that may be. It's easy to get a dose of the blues so be mindful of the dark clouds that may start forming. Talk to those close to you, plan some treats that you know will bring you joy, and if you need to talk to someone outside of your family and friends, Breast Cancer Support Aotearoa's 0800 273 222 line is there 24/7 - 365 days so reach out if you need to.
Guest Blogger Jane Bissell
